The French way of greeting each other with cheek kisses can be very confusing to someone non-French. Who do you do la bise to? How many kisses per cheek is appropriate? What are the rules in this way of saying hello?
This guide will take you through the do’s and don’ts of la bise.
When do you do la bise?
You do la bise when you greet someone to say hello, and when you leave to say goodbye. You can also do cheek kisses when you want to congratulate someone, or when you want to thank someone when receiving a gift.
Do not go for a hug instead of la bise, as hugs are very intimate for French people!
How do you do la bise?
To do la bise, lean in and let your cheek touch the other person’s cheek and make a small kissing noise (not actually going “mwah”, just making the noise with your lips). Keep in mind, this is only the cheeks touching – your lips do not touch the other person’s cheek. When leaning in for la bise, you can gently put your hand on the other person’s upper arm or shoulder.
If you’re wearing a big hat, you might want to remove it before leaning in for the kiss. The same goes for glasses if the other person is wearing glasses, too. This way you make sure the cheek kissing runs smoothly without any collisions or complications.
How many kisses per cheek?
How many kisses you should go for depends on where in France you are. It could be one, two, three, or even four kisses. Whether you should start on the left or on the right side also depends on the region. Two kisses starting from the right is the most common way to do it.
As French people don’t always agree on how la bise should be done, they have voted on how many kisses they think should be given in their own region at www.combiendebises.com (“combien de bises” meaning “how many kisses”). This is a good indication of how many kisses is expected in different parts of France, and whether you should start from the left or the right. As there are still disagreements, and the number of kisses can vary even from village to village, the best thing you can do is follow the other person’s lead to avoid any confusion.
The number of kisses can also vary depending on age or family. Some might do two kisses with their friends but four with their family members, and a small girl might give her brother two kisses but her grandparents four kisses. When in doubt, look around to see what everyone else is doing!
Who do you do la bise to?
You don’t do la bise randomly to anyone you meet. Cheek kissing is for family and friends, and people you are equal and close to.
In a formal setting you shake hands, like with your lawyer or employer.
When you meet someone for the first time, you would generally not do la bise. However, if your friend is introducing you to his or her good friend, la bise can be appropriate although it’s the first time you meet. And even if you see some people every day, like the doorman, you should not go for the kiss with him. A friendly hello will do!
Again, if you are not sure if la bise is appropriate, follow the other person’s lead.
As a woman, you can do la bise to men and to other women. As a man, it’s a bit trickier. Back in the days, about 20 years ago, men only did la bise to one another within the family. This has changed, and nowadays it’s more common for men to do la bise with their close male friends. However, some guys still prefer to give their bros a handshake.
Should you “faire la bise” with children? You can do la bise to a child, but some children are shy or don’t like to do la bise, so don’t force it!
La bise and colleagues
How about la bise between colleagues? This depends on the company culture.
In some workplaces it’s custom to start the day with la bise, and it signals that you are part of the same group. Depending on where you work and if you have many colleagues, you might not do la bise with everyone, but only with your closest colleagues.
In other workplaces, however, la bise is not part of the company culture at all. A friendly “bonjour” is considered enough when saying good morning.
But whatever you do, do not go for la bise with your boss, unless your boss is the one initiating it!
What else is there to know?
The last thing you need to know about French cheek kissing is that it’s not called “la bise” everywhere. This way of saying hello has its own name in different parts of France. If someone suggests you do “le schmoutz”, it can be good to know what that means! Check out the map below to see what la bise is called in different parts of the country.
As you know by now, the do’s and don’ts of French cheek kissing are not all that simple. But when you keep these guidelines in mind and get some practice, you’ll get the hang of it in no time. The French can even get confused themselves sometimes, so don’t worry if it gets a bit clumsy – it’s all part of the charm!
If you haven’t seen it yet, be sure to watch this hilarious video where British comedian Paul Taylor sums up some of the challenges with la bise.
Want to know more about the art of French cheek kissing? Have a look at this video where Genie Godula and Florence Villeminot from France 24 discuss the ins and outs of la bise.